I probably should keep most of this to myself but I am not going too, mainly because I am not going to mention who this is so I don’t think it matters, but also because I know other’s are going through the same thing and maybe I can help someone… or not, whatever, but I am tired of having to drown in my own private thoughts.
I don’t have time for people who don’t have time for my daughter, or me for that matter. I don’t have time to dwell on why they don’t have time for us. And believe me, I am not just talking about the occasional outing where bringing a one year old might not be so fitting. Or even the friend who cancels on you because you tell her going out on a girl’s night requires you to bring a girl who just might be in diapers along with you. I am talking about ever; someone who doesn’t come around at all. I don’t have time for people who don’t have time for my family.
Recently this person got an iPhone. Want to know what’s great about an iPhone? It has facetime… something fairly simple to use, so someone could see what is important to them every once in a while, or what is important too most people in the world in their position… except this person. But what really takes the cake, what really is the topper, is that an iPhone also comes equipped with a snazzy little feature called the CALL BUTTON or the texting feature for that matter. I am sure this person knows this by now… but maybe I am wrong.
Regardless, back to the point, I don’t have time for people who don’t have time for my daughter, for my family, or for me. I don’t have time for people who would rather spend time with their friends they talk all sorts of crap behind their back about, then strengthen the relationships that really matter, the ones that are forever. I recently was told, this person doesn’t think I am happy, asking people who do have time for us, if I was “always this unhappy or always miserable” and the answer is HECK NO. I have a gorgeous daughter that I live for everyday, one that constantly keeps me laughing, smiling and proud. One that is so beautiful she makes my world stop spinning every time I look at her. I have a husband whom my daughter adores and I get to watch the beautiful bond they have established before my eyes every single day, I have a brand new house which I enjoy coming home too and making memories with my beautiful family, as well as a job that I absolutely love to go to everyday. So the answer to this person’s question is I am most definitely, absolutely not unhappy or miserable in any way, shape or form, and I realize I am blessed beyond words, consistently enamored with what the Lord continues to provide for me, with or without you, I am smiling. This person would know this, but this person chooses to not to, on his or her own accord.
You know what the saddest part is? I have waited for this person to change for years and years, and it never does and I keep thinking to myself, maybe if this happens this person will come around, maybe if I do this this person will call me to tell me their proud, maybe when I have my child this person will come to the hospital like the majority of other people in this person’s shoes, maybe this person will be a part of this child’s life at all, inevitably bringing me closer to them at the same time. But this didn’t happen, it hasn’t happened and I am now at the realization that it will not happen, and I just don’t have time for that anymore. I don’t have time to sulk. I do not have time to feel sorry for my daughter. I cannot change this person, I cannot shake this person and make this person open their eyes, I cannot yell, I cannot be mad any longer, I cannot continue to cry. I just do not have time for that.
So just like this person told me last weekend when I asked this person to come over and spend time with what’s important for just a FEW MINUTES… “I don’t have time for that..” Not anymore, not last week, not yesterday, not tomorrow, not in a few weeks I don’t have time for this at all, ever, anymore.
Baby K and Me
“But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.“