Does He hold your hand…?

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.

1 Samuel 1:27-28

I did not always have the greatest relationship with God. I was not raised in the church, I attended private school till the first grade and then that was it. I left terrified of God and only went to church occasionally on Easter or Christmas Eve. I knew he existed, I never doubted Him. I always knew He was there and I never wavered from that feeling, however, I did for many years live without a relationship with Him. I did not talk to Him, I did not pray to Him and I did not attend His house every Sunday. But He found me when I got lost and I am forgiven and now walk back hand and hand with Him. Except now, it is not just me and Him, now we are joined by my husband and our daughter and for this I am forever grateful for the blessings He has given me.

Baby K was baptized today. Methodists believe baptism is essential for babies although salvation is a life long process and as she becomes older she will have to profess her love for the Lord and Jesus Christ by herself. Of course Evan and I will steer her in this direction to the best of our ability. As our preacher was reading the vows Evan and I had to accept as spiritual guiders in her life and accepted them wholeheartedly I thought to myself how beautiful she was in her long white dress as she held so still and serene for the preacher. I had been so sure she would try to wiggle out of his arms. But she didn’t, she stayed motionless, the only time she has stayed calm in someones arms all week, practically all month. And I thought isn’t that something? The Lord has made her steady, held her so she did not waver like her mother. I truly believe God has a plan for her, that she will be raised up as a model for Christ in the whole lot of living she has left to do.

Often I think of my life before I truly accepted my faith, how I never felt completed or satisfied. How I would drive past churches and think why people wasted two hours of there weekend every weekend. And I think to myself praise the Lord he steadied me. I wouldn’t have the blessings I have today without the hand of God in mine. Without the hand of God in my husbands. And for this I realize I would have nothing if I remained the same. It fills my heart to know Baby K will always be wrapped in the arms of the Lord, that she will never fall off His path, and if she does Evan and I will be there to guide her back into His loving arms. What a glorious day, praise the Lord, we are immersed in His love. She is a beautiful girl, and I will continue to thank God for her everyday.

Love always,
Baby K and Me

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The Beginning…

I never kept a diary or a journal as a little girl, and I have never had a blog, so this spilling my guts out to a computer is a new concept to me outside of the occasional “Going to the gym, I am so cool,” post on Facebook. However, here I am ready to tell perfect strangers or family or friends or whoever is reading this bits and pieces of my story about being a housewife, a mother, and a Christian.
7 months ago, I got saved. But it is not what you are thinking, it didn’t come in the form of a revelation, in the form of a baptism, or a salvation statement. I guess in that since I have already been saved. This was a different kind of saving. My baby girl was born 7 months ago August 27th, 2013. I often felt the world had ruined me up until this point, most of my childhood, teenager years and early 20’s were spent feeling sorry for myself. I frequently felt cheated, or abandoned, or found myself making questionable choices. I did not like who I was or where I was going, wherever that was. Sure, I graduated high school and eventually graduated college right before my daughter was born, but even success hides things you want no one else to see.
My mother died when I was so little, she was the victim of a hit and run accident. This has had 21 years to resonate with me. I absolutely felt cheated out of a childhood with my mother, I often still do. My dad was never around, and still keeps to himself, leaving me in the dark about his life. So my grandmother took up the slack, and she is WONDERFUL for it. She is all I have ever known – my grandmother, mother and father all wrapped up into one, and topped with a bow. But this doesn’t mean I didn’t feel like still pieces of me were missing. REALLY OFTEN. But then came August 27th, 2013 and all the negative faded away. The world had ruined me, had brought me down, made me feel hurt, jealous, confused, but when I saw her face, heard her cry, watched her look at me for the first time, everything changed. She made me whole again, she put all my pieces back together. My entire life I had been snorkeling without an oxygen tank but at 3:02pm on that glorious day, I got to come up for air. I could breathe for what felt like the first time. A bond between a mother and a child, something I thought I was robbed of, I would never have, I finally got to experience with the birth of my daughter. I could feel it, touch it, hold it and it was more amazing than I could have ever imagined or dreamed of. I am in awe, always, everyday of our relationship.
So this is my blog about my journey through motherhood,  what I have learned, what I am continuing to learn and what we are up to. I hope you enjoy it.

Love always,
Baby K and Me