11 Things I Learned My First Year of Motherhood…

1. Occasionally babies are born with complications, and you will be scared, and you will be afraid, and you will want to rip out the tubes and kick out the doctors but everything that’s there is there to help her, and every little thing will be alright. At one point after my daughter was born she was breathing triple the rate she should have been, and her heart was tripling its workload along with it. You go in the hospital with every intention to have your healthy beautiful baby and then go home the next day. This is so untrue. Things go unplanned, and you have to just pray, and pray some more, and let God handle it, He’s pretty good at what he does. (;

2. When the day comes where you have to quit breastfeeding, it is not the end of the world. Other mothers will be there to tell you it is, but don’t listen. You are not a bad parent and your child is not doomed for remedial classes. You know better than anything else what is best for your child. Listen to your body, listen to your heart. Formula is not out to get your baby.

3. Postpartum depression is all too real. I was one of those people who thought it could never happen to them, how could people be depressed when they just brought this precious being into the world, but boy I was so wrong. PPD is beyond real and it will suck the life out of you if you do not seek help, an outlet. I choose to seek God, harder than I ever had before. I turned to him when I felt like there was no one else. He listened, He understood, and I never turned back. I ran to Him and kept on running. My depression eventually subsided and now I am a happy and healthy mother with a lot to look forward too.

4. Moms are mean, every mother thinks the way they did it was the best way and they will stop at nothing to tell you that. IGNORE THEM. Don’t address it; don’t let it stress you out. All you can do is pray for them and hope they seek a hobby.

5. Babies are going to cry, sometimes for absolutely no reason. You have to breathe, you have to stay calm, they smell stress like a beagle on a rabbit hole. If you have to, walk away. Just because you leave them alone in a safe place for two minutes to regain your sanity does not mean you are a bad parent. You are just a parent who is avoiding going crazy pants. Pass the wine box please.

6. What someone’s four month old might be doing, could be advanced to what my six month old is doing. Babies grow at different paces. It does not mean your baby is inferior, or slow, or developmentally behind. Babies work on milestones at different rates. When their baby is crawling and your baby just learned to sit up, your baby might have three teeth and their baby has none. It is all perspective. Babies are different, they are not stock, they do not come one size fits all, they are different and your baby will catch up, they are just working on something else.

7. Your marriage will not be the same, physically, emotionally, time invested, it all changes. Ours changed for the better, we brought God into your marriage and He works through it on a powerful level. It is rare nowadays we fight, and if we do it is just joking, and all in fun. Kinsley brought us so much happiness it is difficult now to look at Evan be mad at him. After all he was a big part of giving me the greatest thing to ever come into my life. He is truly a gem, and although when we do fight it is often about parenting choices we love each other on such a deeper level because of her. He is truly a blessing to her and me.

8. Sometimes things come up in your baby’s life that you have no control over, and when that happens you have to let go and give it to God. It was when she was about two weeks old we noticed her ear was deformed, we took her to the doc and the doc said no big deal. It would be seven months later when that same doctor would tell us maybe we should get it looked at, thinking something may be wrong with her kidneys. She proceeded to tell us that in the womb our ears are formed from our kidneys. We were terrified, I prayed night and day up until her ultrasound appointment. I would wake up in a sweat from the shear thought of anything being wrong with that precious face. But then the day came when it was time to take her to the Children’s Hospital and I let go. I let go of the fear, the negative thoughts. I let God handle it and He did. She was healthy. There was not one thing wrong with her, and it was all because I gave it up to Him.

9. You will cry a lot. Seriously. When I put my child’s newborn clothes up, I cried. When I got to take my child home from the NICU, I cried. When my child said DaDa, I cried. When my child got her first fever, I cried. When my child went on her first plane ride, I cried. When my child started solid food, I cried. When my child sat up for the first time, I cried. When my child started crawling, I cried. When my child was baptized, I cried. When my child blew me a kiss the first time, I cried. She could probably fart and I would cry. I mean it’s getting to the point where every little thing makes me cry, and maybe its because I am more emotional as a mother now, or maybe it is because it is just all going by too fast or maybe it is because I am just so happy she is here and healthy. I don’t know, but you will cry, and you will have to make sure that every new piece of makeup you buy is waterproof. Reality.

10. You will laugh a lot. Seriously. My kid cracks me up. The way she stares at herself in the mirror, the way she blows kisses, the way she feeds the dog, the way she dances when you tell her no to remind you she is too cute to get angry at. She is just a blessing, she will turn around and make you laugh just as quick as she will make you cry.

11. You will pray a lot. SERIOUSLY. I NEVER prayed before having a child. I did not seek God; I was not in a relationship with God like I should have been. Believe me, having a child will make you seek things you never had before. I always believed in Him, but it took having a child to actually SEEK him. I have learned so much from her; I have learned so much from Him. To me, I saw Him through her, and it is the best thing to ever happen to me. It is a beautiful thing, the power of prayer is a beautiful thing, and you will do it often, and you will do it well, and He will listen always.

Love always,
Baby K and Me

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Can I Deal…?

June 10th. It’s May 30th. That means I have over 10 days before I can get my daughter into the children’s hospital for her ultrasound testing. I am a little overwhelmed. The wait is exhausting. I often find myself staring at her wondering is something wrong? Do I not know it? Is she in pain? Is she suffering? My head is freaking out, but my heart stays firm in Christ that every little thing will be alright. Many of you have reached out to me, wondering what is going on, what is happening, is she alright and the truth is we do not have the answers for you at the moment. It is truly a blessing that you all care so much, from the strangers to the immediate family, we love you all.
The truth is, I have only told close friends and family the situation. So I thought I would explain to the everybody elses the situation a little further, so you know what we are going through, and you can pray for Baby K.
When Kinsley was VERY young, probably only a few weeks old, we noticed her ear was a little different. Like she had two lobes. It didn’t seem to bother her, besides the fact she played with the different ear, a little more. We reported it to her doctor immediately after discovering the deformity. (The NICU did not notice it in her hearing test.) They did not seem alarmed at the time and we moved forward with the idea it was nothing more than a growth inconsistency in the womb. Well, fast forward to her nine month appointment, the doctor seemed more concerned about that ear this time around. Her doctor explained to me that our ears are formed from the urinary tract when babies are developing in the womb. Who knew, right? Well now, she is concerned that her kidneys might be effected based on all the extra tissue her ear has. They scheduled us to see a specialist at Scottish Rite (which if you don’t live in Atlanta is the Children’s Hospital here) and go in for an ultrasound accompanied with additional hearing tests. So we learned that the best case scenario would be that she has to have plastic surgery, performed by a pediatric plastic surgeon to remove the extra tissue or lobe around the ear. Worst case scenario, she has something wrong with her kidneys or urinary tract and we move from there. Flashingback to her NICU days, when she was born, many of you know, she had an extremely accelerated heart rate. She was stripped from us, and sent down there almost immediately. However, once she stabilized, they released her to us without figuring out the cause. I am praying that whatever was causing the infection or accelerated heart rate is not because of kidney malfunction or any thing of the sort.
We do not have answers right now, nothing could be wrong, or there could be a lot wrong, we just do not know. We are asking you to join us in continued prayer for her, as we get through these VERY long last 10 days without answers.

Love always,
Baby K and Me

Do Not Fear…

As Kinsley grows older, I do too, although the physical changes in me do not shine as much as hers do. Today is a milestone for her, as she turns nine months old in just a couple of hours. To me, she is amazing because, to me, she is incredibly close to perfect. However, she has not had it perfectly easy. God has presented her with a couple of challenges in her short life and I am learning slowly that I must not fret at them. I must continue to grow, as she grows, deeper into my faith, and settle further into my relationship with God, in order to remain on both feet during times of turmoil. I do realize that God would never put me, my husband or my child in a situation we could not come out of stronger – not only in our strength but more importantly in our faith and to this, I am given hope.
Today Kinsley had her nine month doctor appointment, and the thing about doctor’s appointments, is you do not always hear what you want to hear. Most of the time, the doctor comes in with good news, however, there are days when the news requires you to sit down. This was one of those sitting down appointments.

Kinsley Nine Months Ago

Kinsley Now
Kinsley has never had it easy, since she was just a few hours old. When she was born I held my baby for an hour, Evan even less, before she was taken away from us, to make that dreaded incubator ride to the NICU. For days we waited for news, only getting to hold her every two hours and only while she was connected to machines. Eventually the wires and tubes were disconnected and we fast forward to nine months later, where our baby has been home, happy and thriving. However, as our children grow we sometimes run into problems, and here we are at another bump in the road. So as a family, Evan, Baby K and I are asking for your continued prays as we face another speed bump and we hope that you will continue to pray and ask God to watch over her until we can get the answers we are looking for.

For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.
Isaiah 41:13

Love always,
Baby K and Me

The Dreaded First Virus…

Wow, what a week it’s been and it’s only Wednesday?! Baby K has come down with some sort of viral infection but the doctors are not sure what she has. She had an appointment on Monday and they tested her for a few things including RSV which came back negative (thankfully), but decided to not send her into the children’s hospital to check for more serious viruses and instead sent her home with a nebulizer to hopefully improve her breathing. I have never ever seen my daughter throw a bigger tantrum than when she has to use this thing (which is every FOUR hours), it’s pretty ridiculous. The intention of it being if she improved by using the nebulizer, then they would not do additional testing after her follow up appointment the next Monday. Well so far we’ve seen minimal improvement.
She is taking in very little fluid, four ounces here and there, and mostly what she does take in she vomits up, although that too has been improving. She vomited blood a few times on Monday but since that has ceased. But now that she is having stomach issues on both ends we are monitoring her to ensure dehydration is not a factor at any point. She does keep down solids which is wonderful cause I don’t need another thing to worry about. The doctor did put her on a probiotic yesterday so hopefully we will see more improvement very soon.
Today, she has been very lethargic and you can tell she is getting frustrated with not being able to breathe out of her nose, and not being able to rid herself of this cough which goes from being dry to having phlegm. I think that’s why she has had such a hard time with the bottle and pacifiers too, because it’s so hard to breathe out of her nose that she needs her mouth. We have been syringing her pedialyte for this reason, which has had mixed success at its best. Hopefully by the weekend, we are optimistic, she will be back to her smiley self, playing and having a good time. Which needs to happen because we have a yard sale this Saturday and it is going to be BEAUTIFUL out so I would love to take her to the park afterwards.
Well, if you pray, pray for us because she needs it, aw heck I could use some prayers too because it’s been a rough week for all us dealing with this!

Love always,
Baby K and Me