11 Things I Learned My First Year of Motherhood…

1. Occasionally babies are born with complications, and you will be scared, and you will be afraid, and you will want to rip out the tubes and kick out the doctors but everything that’s there is there to help her, and every little thing will be alright. At one point after my daughter was born she was breathing triple the rate she should have been, and her heart was tripling its workload along with it. You go in the hospital with every intention to have your healthy beautiful baby and then go home the next day. This is so untrue. Things go unplanned, and you have to just pray, and pray some more, and let God handle it, He’s pretty good at what he does. (;

2. When the day comes where you have to quit breastfeeding, it is not the end of the world. Other mothers will be there to tell you it is, but don’t listen. You are not a bad parent and your child is not doomed for remedial classes. You know better than anything else what is best for your child. Listen to your body, listen to your heart. Formula is not out to get your baby.

3. Postpartum depression is all too real. I was one of those people who thought it could never happen to them, how could people be depressed when they just brought this precious being into the world, but boy I was so wrong. PPD is beyond real and it will suck the life out of you if you do not seek help, an outlet. I choose to seek God, harder than I ever had before. I turned to him when I felt like there was no one else. He listened, He understood, and I never turned back. I ran to Him and kept on running. My depression eventually subsided and now I am a happy and healthy mother with a lot to look forward too.

4. Moms are mean, every mother thinks the way they did it was the best way and they will stop at nothing to tell you that. IGNORE THEM. Don’t address it; don’t let it stress you out. All you can do is pray for them and hope they seek a hobby.

5. Babies are going to cry, sometimes for absolutely no reason. You have to breathe, you have to stay calm, they smell stress like a beagle on a rabbit hole. If you have to, walk away. Just because you leave them alone in a safe place for two minutes to regain your sanity does not mean you are a bad parent. You are just a parent who is avoiding going crazy pants. Pass the wine box please.

6. What someone’s four month old might be doing, could be advanced to what my six month old is doing. Babies grow at different paces. It does not mean your baby is inferior, or slow, or developmentally behind. Babies work on milestones at different rates. When their baby is crawling and your baby just learned to sit up, your baby might have three teeth and their baby has none. It is all perspective. Babies are different, they are not stock, they do not come one size fits all, they are different and your baby will catch up, they are just working on something else.

7. Your marriage will not be the same, physically, emotionally, time invested, it all changes. Ours changed for the better, we brought God into your marriage and He works through it on a powerful level. It is rare nowadays we fight, and if we do it is just joking, and all in fun. Kinsley brought us so much happiness it is difficult now to look at Evan be mad at him. After all he was a big part of giving me the greatest thing to ever come into my life. He is truly a gem, and although when we do fight it is often about parenting choices we love each other on such a deeper level because of her. He is truly a blessing to her and me.

8. Sometimes things come up in your baby’s life that you have no control over, and when that happens you have to let go and give it to God. It was when she was about two weeks old we noticed her ear was deformed, we took her to the doc and the doc said no big deal. It would be seven months later when that same doctor would tell us maybe we should get it looked at, thinking something may be wrong with her kidneys. She proceeded to tell us that in the womb our ears are formed from our kidneys. We were terrified, I prayed night and day up until her ultrasound appointment. I would wake up in a sweat from the shear thought of anything being wrong with that precious face. But then the day came when it was time to take her to the Children’s Hospital and I let go. I let go of the fear, the negative thoughts. I let God handle it and He did. She was healthy. There was not one thing wrong with her, and it was all because I gave it up to Him.

9. You will cry a lot. Seriously. When I put my child’s newborn clothes up, I cried. When I got to take my child home from the NICU, I cried. When my child said DaDa, I cried. When my child got her first fever, I cried. When my child went on her first plane ride, I cried. When my child started solid food, I cried. When my child sat up for the first time, I cried. When my child started crawling, I cried. When my child was baptized, I cried. When my child blew me a kiss the first time, I cried. She could probably fart and I would cry. I mean it’s getting to the point where every little thing makes me cry, and maybe its because I am more emotional as a mother now, or maybe it is because it is just all going by too fast or maybe it is because I am just so happy she is here and healthy. I don’t know, but you will cry, and you will have to make sure that every new piece of makeup you buy is waterproof. Reality.

10. You will laugh a lot. Seriously. My kid cracks me up. The way she stares at herself in the mirror, the way she blows kisses, the way she feeds the dog, the way she dances when you tell her no to remind you she is too cute to get angry at. She is just a blessing, she will turn around and make you laugh just as quick as she will make you cry.

11. You will pray a lot. SERIOUSLY. I NEVER prayed before having a child. I did not seek God; I was not in a relationship with God like I should have been. Believe me, having a child will make you seek things you never had before. I always believed in Him, but it took having a child to actually SEEK him. I have learned so much from her; I have learned so much from Him. To me, I saw Him through her, and it is the best thing to ever happen to me. It is a beautiful thing, the power of prayer is a beautiful thing, and you will do it often, and you will do it well, and He will listen always.

Love always,
Baby K and Me

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Be Still My Heart…

There are few places I’d rather never have to be than a children’s hospital. It is by far one of the worst places to ever have to come to, however, I always walk out more humbled than I was before. I cannot explain to you how much respect I have for the children in there, not to mention the beautiful people that call that their work place. They are all heroes in the most pure sense.
We got to the hospital around 11 yesterday, my stomach was in knots. When I walked in, I almost had no emotion, I was just there. I was numb, I was walking down the colorful hallways but I couldn’t tell you the blue walls from the yellow, it was all a blur. However, when we got checked in the staff was beyond welcoming, they laughed with us, they comforted us and Baby K was as happy as pie. We walked back to the radiology department, everything was over so quickly. Baby K cried for most of the testing, but she quickly calmed down with a bottle afterwards. Next, we waited, we waited for what felt like eternity but what was probably more like about thirty minutes. Finally, the tech came in and told us it would be 24 to 48 hours before they knew anything. My heart sank.. I couldn’t wait that long. I must have given her a disheartened look because she smiled and said she wouldn’t worry to much. That was enough for me, I practically skipped out of that place. It wasn’t more than two hours later I received a call from Baby K’s doctor. Her ultrasound screening was NORMAL. Who would’ve thought the word “normal” could have had such a profound impact on me. I was and still am elated! The news meant that the only surgery Baby K needs is plastic surgery and that is the best news. I cannot describe to you in words the way I have felt these past couple of weeks, between the worry and the stress, it completely drained the life out of me. It is truly the most fulfilling feeling in the world to know your child is healthy, in every sense of the word. Worth the wait every single bit.
I sincerely believe God sent her to me. I believe she is a gift from God to Evan and I to fulfill our lives. And I also truly believe he has put us in these situations to make us stronger, to strengthen the love we have for her and with each other. He wants us to have these experiences not to suffer but to learn from them. I faithfully believe he wants Evan and I to realize the value of the wonderful gift he has given to us, because he knows Baby K has big things to do in her life both spiritually and personally. As tough as this situation was I truly see the beauty in this experience, and I am learning from it as I know Evan is as well.

What a feeling to know God is on our side!! With Him on our side who can be against us??

Love always,
Baby K and Me

Can I Deal…?

June 10th. It’s May 30th. That means I have over 10 days before I can get my daughter into the children’s hospital for her ultrasound testing. I am a little overwhelmed. The wait is exhausting. I often find myself staring at her wondering is something wrong? Do I not know it? Is she in pain? Is she suffering? My head is freaking out, but my heart stays firm in Christ that every little thing will be alright. Many of you have reached out to me, wondering what is going on, what is happening, is she alright and the truth is we do not have the answers for you at the moment. It is truly a blessing that you all care so much, from the strangers to the immediate family, we love you all.
The truth is, I have only told close friends and family the situation. So I thought I would explain to the everybody elses the situation a little further, so you know what we are going through, and you can pray for Baby K.
When Kinsley was VERY young, probably only a few weeks old, we noticed her ear was a little different. Like she had two lobes. It didn’t seem to bother her, besides the fact she played with the different ear, a little more. We reported it to her doctor immediately after discovering the deformity. (The NICU did not notice it in her hearing test.) They did not seem alarmed at the time and we moved forward with the idea it was nothing more than a growth inconsistency in the womb. Well, fast forward to her nine month appointment, the doctor seemed more concerned about that ear this time around. Her doctor explained to me that our ears are formed from the urinary tract when babies are developing in the womb. Who knew, right? Well now, she is concerned that her kidneys might be effected based on all the extra tissue her ear has. They scheduled us to see a specialist at Scottish Rite (which if you don’t live in Atlanta is the Children’s Hospital here) and go in for an ultrasound accompanied with additional hearing tests. So we learned that the best case scenario would be that she has to have plastic surgery, performed by a pediatric plastic surgeon to remove the extra tissue or lobe around the ear. Worst case scenario, she has something wrong with her kidneys or urinary tract and we move from there. Flashingback to her NICU days, when she was born, many of you know, she had an extremely accelerated heart rate. She was stripped from us, and sent down there almost immediately. However, once she stabilized, they released her to us without figuring out the cause. I am praying that whatever was causing the infection or accelerated heart rate is not because of kidney malfunction or any thing of the sort.
We do not have answers right now, nothing could be wrong, or there could be a lot wrong, we just do not know. We are asking you to join us in continued prayer for her, as we get through these VERY long last 10 days without answers.

Love always,
Baby K and Me